Emulation: A Vacuum for Spare Time

So, just a disclaimer: I’ve done research and I still cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out if what I’m suggesting here is legal or not. To the best of my knowledge, so long as I’m not making a profit (I’m not) then it’s cool. BUT, I’m a bit of a pansy so I’M DEFINITELY NOT DOING THIS NOR SUGGESTING THAT YOU DO IT.

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Nope. Now then.

Let’s say that someone theoretically wanted to turn their phone into a Nintendo Game Boy and play countless hours of classic video games such as, oh I don’t know, Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap on their lunch break, and bus ride commute, and before bed, and while eating breakfast, and definitely not develop an addiction or problem or anything …. then you could follow this handy Link (ay? get it? Link? … I’ll see myself out).

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The Minish Cap is an INCREDIBLE GAME. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve been known to conquer a Zelda game or two.  But this one … oh, boy this one is nothing short of delightful. The graphics are charming and play like an old-school side scroller with a slight twist: they’ve added an extra half dimension. Everything is slightly skewed so that while you are still operating in the nostolgic 2D world of childhood, you find  “vertical” walls coming up at you. The character design is sweet, lacking the disturbing geometries of Nintendo 64 games (I still have nightmares about the Great Fairy from Ocarina of Time … google at your own mental peril).

The story is pretty straightforward: In the game you are the Chosen Hero who must save the world by mending a sacred sword with the help of an odd (and often annoying) magical hat which grants you the ability to shrink and thus converse with the rare and tiny Minish people. Simple and to the point. None of this you-only-have-three-days-to-save-the-world-so-you-better-Groundhog-Day-this-shit that is Majora’s Mask. No, no, none of that. Just good clean HIGHLY ADDICTIVE fun.

10/10: will take over life.

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The emulator itself is pretty sweet. It offers the same buttons you would use in the original Game Boy, but in a new and (un)improved virtual form. The problem with virtual buttons is the lack of physical feedback. Am I attacking my opponent or just furiously tapping my screen?? Hopefully both.

You can (theoretically) play with your (theoretical) mobile device in landscape with the play buttons superimposed over the game. This is my (theoretical) preference. It allows the largest screen size and most of the action happens in the center anyhow so there isn’t too much overlap.

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You can also play in portrait mode with the virtual buttons put in their more traditional location. While I understand that this is probably about the size of the original gameboy, I’m not about to (theoretically) deal with a small screen if I don’t have to.

So once you have (theoretically) downloaded the emulator, you can (theoretically) get any number of classic Game Boy games in order to completely take over your life.

You’re welcome / I’m sorry.

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